That girl...

Pia in her 20's

So much of my anxiety feels layered. As I begin to peel those layers back, I am understanding that so much of it is tied to who I use to be.

Not in the sense that I was anxious back then, but in the quiet ache of wanting to hold on to that version of myself--that free-spirited Pia girl who felt fearless. As I navigate these storms of anxiety, I keep waiting for her to show up. I want her to take charge, to shake me out of this mental space I've been living in.

But...she doesn't come.

Maybe motherhood changes you. Maybe it's trauma. Maybe its life unfolding the way it is meant to. I don't know if I'll ever have a clear answer. What I do know is this: I have to learn to let go--layer by layer.

That girl is gone.

And this woman? She is different.

She is more loving. More compassionate. More empathetic. More aware. More in tune with her body. More connected to her emotions.

Maybe life moves us through seasons in a way we don't always understand at the time. I once had a therapist tell me to embrace my anxiety instead of seeing it as a flaw. He said, "You have a gift--use it." I remember thinking he was crazy. I never went back.

But now I think I understand.

Maybe anxiety isn't something I have to fight so hard against. Maybe it's something I can learn to move with. To listen and grow through.

I am learning how to ride the waves instead of drowning in them--slowly, imperfectly but with intention.

Any maybe, just maybe we can make peace with each other.